With all the things that are happening to me now and the health problems I have yet to face, I'm starting to regret surviving my leukemia. The last seven years, in simple terms, has been nothing but a waste of my life in my opinion. I am dirt poor, unable to pay bills without using credit, and unable to enjoy life. I can only afford to eat two light meals a day. I have put in applications at several companies, but no one seems interested in hiring me. I have applied for Medicaid, but they basically said "Fuck You," and denied my application. So, I can not see a doctor and get some health issues addressed, which I have been trying to do for two years. My teeth and gums are in bad shape with periodontal disease, and I can't get that treated. However, the worst problem I am facing is that I need to see a psychiatrist badly. I am having severe emotional problems, one being anger control. I have uncontrollable anger at some people, and I have had dark thoughts of killing people who intentionally rouse me.
If leukemia hadn't taken my life savings and my career away, my life
wouldn't be so screwed up. I hate leukemia for what it did to me. I hurt everyday, and I have had suicidal thoughts in coming up with a way to stop this hurting.The way my life is going now, I am dead anyway. I'm really disturbed that people have read this blog and most have showed no concern about what I'm going through. To those people who lurk and don't care about me, I say FUCK YOU! I don't need you anyway. If I die soon, I'll have the pleasure of knowing you'll still be living and rotting on this cursed world!
I'm hoping that I die from complications, soon. If not, then suicide is very likely if this hurting doesn't stop. I'm also very scared that I'm going to kill someone.
1 year ago